How can I make my husband choose me and our marriage above everything (and everyone)?

Wives who are at the end of their marriage ties often approach me. Sometimes it is very clear that you are at a point in your marriage where your husband is not making you the priority in his life. Often times, the wife believes that the husband views their marriage almost as an afterthought. I heard from a wife who said, “We have been married for about five years. For the first three years of our marriage, things were wonderful. My husband came straight home from work and we were always together. We were both very invested in our marriage. and it showed. We were very much in love and very happy. But a couple of years ago, everything changed. He stopped coming home from work and started hanging out with his friends. He started playing golf. Now he goes on weekends too. week. I am so lonely in my marriage right now. I told my husband that I don’t want to live like this anymore. I told him I had to make a decision about prioritizing our marriage and choosing me over all his hobbies and friends. He heard what I had to say, but he told me I was being overly sensitive. And then he didn’t make any changes at all. I’m at the end of my rope. Can I get him to choose me and our marriage? I fear that our marriage Monio is going to end. ” I will address this below.

Make sure your request doesn’t sound like a complaint so you’re tempted to avoid it: I understand how handcuffs feel. Once my husband stopped prioritizing our marriage, I withdrew and did the same. Finally, we part ways. So I fully understand his desire for him to notice and listen. But there is a real danger that you ask for this so often that he sees it as a nuisance and starts to tune you out. Very often I hear from husbands in this situation on my blog and they often offer comments like: “Everything my wife does tells me that I am not meeting her needs. She focuses well or what I am doing wrong. It seems that all conversations they focus on her asking me for more. If she had her way, I would have no friends except her. I love my wife, but she asks a lot of me. So I just tune her out. “

I’m not telling you this to discourage you. I just want you to see why your husband may be disconnecting his attention and why, if this is the case, continuing with the same plan will likely continue to get the same results that you are currently not satisfied with. This is why it can be very helpful to try to use positive reinforcement, which I will talk about right now.

Try to catch him in situations where he chooses you and make it worth doing the same one more time: Above, I described a situation in which your husband avoids spending time with you because he knows that when he does, you are likely to make demands on him. So, you need to change this dynamic. You want to set it up so that when your husband comes home or chooses her in some way, he makes a big fuss in a positive way. Instead of saying things like “well, it’s about time” or “no one was available to play golf, so now you’re stuck with me”, you want to tell him what a pleasant surprise his presence is for you and how much I want to appreciate you this time. Then, fulfill those statements by making it a night that your husband wants to repeat.

The wife in the above scenario had been married to her husband for five years. You probably knew very well the kinds of things that would be memorable and enjoyable for your husband. The idea is that if you give him some positive reinforcement, he is much more likely to choose you again very soon. And each time he does, you want to make sure you both enjoy your time together so this eventually becomes a habit. The idea is that you get to the point where you no longer have to praise him or do a great deal because it has become a habit for both of you.

So if you’re stuck in a cycle where you scold him and he doesn’t change his lifestyle a bit, consider trying to back off a bit and focus on catching him doing something right and then rewarding him. It is human nature to want to choose your wife and come home as often as possible when she gives you a compelling reason to do so. And once this happens, both people feel happy and valued without anyone needing to feel like they’ve lost the discussion or given up.