Your child’s participation in a sports program: when is it appropriate to withdraw it?
My interest in writing this article stems from the fact that I am a retired licensed psychologist for over 25 years and a former coach of organized baseball programs. I have dealt with parents in my professional practice who were dismayed that their children wanted to leave a sports team, as well as a coach who had a player who wanted to leave the team. Parents approach me as a coach and ask me to “talk to my son and let him know that he has to put up with it, not let him go.”
A youth’s participation in a sports team should have multiple benefits for the child, not the parents, the coach, and the win-loss record. It is not for parental glory, pride, or the “live through your child” phenomenon (which I witnessed so often in my professional practice and on the baseball field).
Exercise, socialization, perceptual-motor development, ethical rules of competition, companionship, and the development of self-concept are great potential benefits for our youth.
When the coach, program director, or parent loses focus on the benefits mentioned above, and when the child complains of disinterest or regret about playing, an evaluation of the child’s participation should be challenged.
When there is no leadership to deal with bullying, when the sport requires too many hours of practice resulting in poor school performance, excessive fatigue and disruption of the family unit, an evaluation of the child’s participation should be done.
Listen to your child and his honest assessment of what he is getting out of his participation and drop the mantra, “he will not quit.” If the lines of communication are open with your son and he constantly tells you that he does not value his sports activity, he never is. inappropriate to get your child out of a sports team.
How do you approach your child’s coach when it comes time, with your child’s consent, to leave the team? Simply arrange a private time with the coach and explain the sincere reasons your child is being removed from the team. You do not need to apologize to the coach for your child. You know your child better than the coach.
Whose idea was it to join the sports team, you as a parent; the child or a joint decision? It doesn’t really matter if the child consistently claims over time that they are not comfortable being a member of the sports team. So don’t hit him with “it was your idea to join, so go for it!”
Try to remember that participation in a sports team is for the benefit of the child, not for you.