11 steps to be happier
First the good news. There’s a very, very good chance that we can all do things, make some changes in our thinking and in our lives, to help us be a happier person. However, the realistic side of this is that some of us probably have the ability and even the opportunity to be happier than others.
Let’s start with a simple definition of happiness: “A feeling of joy, delight, enjoyment, or satisfaction.” One more… “a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from joy to intense joy.”
Can you see the problem here? Because each of us has our own very special genetics and life experiences, our personal definition of happiness will not be the same as anyone else on the planet. What makes me happy may or may not contribute significantly to your happiness. And speaking of genetics, there’s a strong possibility that because our brains are wired differently and produce different levels of chemicals that influence our thought processes, some of us will find it more difficult to make a “happy connection.” . It’s just the way it is.
It also doesn’t take much thought to understand that our outlook on life, including our tendency to be happy, has been heavily influenced by our parents and the people around us during our formative years. Quite simply, if your close relatives and friends were happy people, there is an excellent chance that you will be too.
So where does that leave us? With the opportunity to at least try a few different things that could lead to a happier and generally more enjoyable life. Here are some suggestions to consider:
1. How we think about ourselves, our situation and the things that happen around us is probably the main determining factor of whether we are happy or not. If we have a “positive approach” to life (a positive mental attitude), we’ve already taken a giant step toward happiness. Try to ignore or at least minimize negative inputs from the media (downbeat stuff in the news), the entertainment industry (songs, movies, TV shows), friends, family, and acquaintances. Focus on the abundance of good things that are present in your world.
2. To help generate a more positive outlook, you might consider doing a “gratitude test.” Make a list of the things in your life that you are grateful for. Start with whatever comes to mind and add to it as you realize more. Here’s a hint… the more you look for good things, the more you’ll find. Trust me…
3. Based on this, make a list of the good things, or the things you like, about yourself. We all have at least some good qualities. write them down If you have some habits or traits that you’re not very happy with, do what you can to make the changes you think you need. None of us is perfect and never will be, but if we at least recognize that each of us has some really good qualities to begin with, it will be another step up the ladder of happiness. It’s much easier to be happy if you generally like the person you see in the mirror.
4. Focus on the now. Although the things that have happened to us in our lives so far have led us to where we are today, they are all history. They are no longer real. It is all that is sitting in our memory bank. Therefore, it is useless to worry, feel guilt or remorse about anything from our past. Wishing that things had been different or that we had said or done some things differently can be huge obstacles in our happy path. Let go of the past and focus on the only thing that IS real…now.
Also remember that the future is not real either. While planning is good, too much “what if,” especially when dealing with potentially negative situations, does little more than increase our stress level. We are not psychics, we cannot accurately predict the future. So yes, plan and prepare as best you can for the future, but do your best to live in the “now.”
5. Stay flexible. When it comes down to it, we have very little control over what happens in this old world. People do strange and unpredictable things. Nature plays by its own rules. Things break and wear out. Just wait for it and be prepared to make some adjustments to your own lifestyle or ways of thinking, without complaining or complaining about how badly this new situation is affecting you. In the long run, there may actually be some benefits to your new circumstances. you never know…
6. Do things that you really enjoy doing. We all have chores or tasks to do that are boring or painful. This is life. However, the more time we can spend doing the things we enjoy, the happier we will be. That makes a lot of sense. So…
Work at a job that interests you, is fulfilling, and even fun. I know… that’s easier said than done. Sometimes we just need to survive. However, it’s worth the effort, so take some time to identify your interests (the work-type things you really enjoy), do your research, make plans, and do whatever it takes to transition into your personal “super job.” . A quick note here… often with just a little shift in thinking, taking a more positive approach, our current work can end up being quite good. You may want to try that approach first.
Spend at least part of your free time doing fun things. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you enjoy it. The problem is that many of us are so busy that we don’t think we can afford to spend time on the fun things. Try this. Consider setting aside half an hour to an hour a day, or maybe three or four hours on weekends, to do your “fun stuff.” It will be a welcome break from your routine and will definitely be another step on your happy path. (If you’re having trouble deciding what to do in your newfound free time, you might consider volunteering your time to help others in some way. Giving of yourself is always a happiness bonus.)
7. Get better at what you do. Improving our skills, at work, with our hobbies, or raising a family, will not only give us a great sense of fulfillment, but there is a good chance that it will even help make our lives easier. So read, do your research, attend classes, find a mentor or coach, and add another gold star to your happy square.
8. Being with friends and family. There’s nothing better than a close-knit support group that matches your interests and personality, and that you can really have fun with, to boost your happiness factor by a couple of notches. Emphasis on the words “you can have fun with.” Unfortunately, some of us end up with ahem… friends… and even family members who are a huge negative influence in our lives. If that’s the case, then it’s time to move on and find better, more positive people to hang out with. There are all kinds of organizations and groups available, so do some research and see what’s in your area that might meet your interests. And don’t forget about volunteering that we mentioned in #6…
9. Take a “time out.” Reserve at least a few minutes, fifteen or thirty minutes if possible, for yourself every day. At any moment of the day. It makes no difference when. This will be YOUR moment where you can let your brain unwind and just relax, away from any pressure or chaos that may exist in your daily routine. Make it a quiet time without distractions. You can pray, meditate or just think about interesting things. Short, relaxing walks can be refreshing. Observing nature (trees, plants, birds, bugs) can be very relaxing. Choose what you enjoy. Recharge your batteries. Enjoy your “time out”!
10. Develop a spiritual connection. Accept that we are all part of a “bigger picture” and that each of us has access to love, guidance, comfort, information, etc. from a “higher source” can help dramatically reduce the pressures and stress we encounter in our daily lives. It may be through organized religious organizations, informal groups, or personal spiritual activities. It doesn’t make any difference. It all depends on what we personally feel more comfortable with. It’s worth following…
11. Give yourself permission to be happy. Although this may initially seem like a silly suggestion, it could be the most important of all. Many of us are mentally and emotionally “paying” for events, things we have done and things that have happened to us, in the past. It’s time to stop doing that and focus on the present: the “now”. We’ve all made mistakes and shown errors in judgment, but that doesn’t make us a bad person. We just had an “oops”. So let’s apply some of the above suggestions and as a good person, let’s give ourselves permission to be happy. We really deserve it, you know…
Note: If this suggestion (number 11) has turned out to be a giant stone on your path to happiness due to your thoughts and feelings about past situations and events (guilt, regret, remorse, anger, etc.), it is likely that take more than “happy thoughts” to help you get back on track. Don’t let depression, low self-esteem, and similar feelings rob you of his happiness. Seek professional help. You really DO deserve to be happy!