As It Happened: Marital Status Investigation
Sometimes I wonder if technologies have helped us make our lives easier or if they have made it more complicated. If social networks and social applications are meant to bring us closer or to separate us? What do you need to know about a person before you start to trust them? Do you think that if you talk to people once a month, chat with them on WhatsApp every day, and meet them once or twice a year, it’s enough to trust them? If your answer is yes, keep reading.
It was Friday night around 11 pm when I received numerous messages on my WhatsApp from my friend, Sheetal Katkar, asking me to investigate and get information about Dronesh Mishra who is based in Nagpur. I was very sleepy, and at that point, I didn’t even care to read the full text.
I have known Sheetal for 12 years. We may not be the best of friends, but we know enough about each other to fit the definition of friendship. She is from Nagpur. In the last 12 years, there were times when we didn’t communicate for a couple of years and there were times when we kept in touch daily for 7 or 8 months out of the year. Sheetal is 35 years old and works in Bangalore in the back office of a leading bank.
The next morning, while having my morning tea, I read the full text shared by Sheetal on my WhatsApp. However, I decided to check a few details before putting on my investigative hat. “Who is this Dronesh? Why do you need to know about him? How did you meet him?” I asked.
“My sister Pooja has known Dronesh since December 2014. She found him on one of the major marriage sites. Pooja is working with Software Development Company in Bangalore while Dronesh is working in Delhi with an IT giant. They want get married. I only met this guy once and found him decent. He is in contact with me via whatsapp. However, we don’t know much about him. We don’t know his address. We don’t know about his family. And most importantly, we don’t know if he is single or is already married ”, he summarized.
“What do you know about this guy”?
“Any”
“What does Pooja know about him? How often do they meet?”
“They have rarely seen each other. They are usually in contact through WhatsApp, Google Talk and daily phone calls. She knows about her family. He has a widowed mother. She knows about his work and his future plans, etc. each other for the past year, now they want to get married. Even his mother is asking her to get married soon. He is already 35 years old, while Pooja is 31 years old.”
“Okay. Send me a message with your contact details.”
After about half an hour, I called her.
“Sheetal, this guy doesn’t seem to exist. There is no one with this name on Facebook, or on Twitter, or on LinkedIn, or on Instagram, or even on any Job Portal.”
“That’s right. He’s not on social networking sites. He says he doesn’t like being on FB and Twitter, it’s a waste of time. He doesn’t want to be on LinkedIn because he doesn’t need to. That’s the challenge. How can we know about him without his knowledge? We don’t have mutual friends. Pooja has already talked to our parents and they have given their express approval, but even they need to meet her family and her parents.”
In today’s world, when CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are on LinkedIn; when everyone is on FB and Twitter, he’s not there. He is working for an IT organization. That is so weird. But what should I do now? That is my challenge.
Let’s take the help of another app, Truecaller. While typing the number, I came across the name of one Ranjeev Singh Thakur. I thought maybe Dronesh had gotten help from his colleague or friend to get a phone number in his name, probably when he was new to Delhi. But he made my job a little more difficult. Ranjeev Singh Thakur’s social identity may be Ranjeev Singh Thakur, or he may be Ranjeev Singh or maybe Ranjeev Thakur.
Let’s try.
On LinkedIn, I found FIVE profiles by the name of Ranjeev Singh Thakur: TWO profiles with Display Pictures (DP) and THREE without Display Pictures. I downloaded both DPs and sent them to Sheetal and asked him to identify if one of them is Dronesh. To my surprise, he identified one of them as Dronesh.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. If in doubt, ask your sister to reconfirm.
After half an hour, he called back and assured one of them that it was Dronesh.
For a moment, I was speechless and didn’t know how to react and what to say. The boy that Pooja was meeting as her probable future husband, Dronesh, was in the real Ranjeev Singh Thakur. He wasn’t working with the IT giant, as she claimed, but was working with a financial services company as an area sales manager.
Anyway, I called the two sisters, took them on a conference call, and broke the news. They were just as surprised as I was.
Another fact I found on his Twitter post was that he got married in 2011. Whether he is still married or not I am not sure but he got married in 2011. Ranjeev created a Gmail account under the name of Dronesh Mishra and was using this identity to register on matrimonial sites and other social sites. Through this identity, he communicated with at least ELEVEN women across India.
In the end, I wasn’t sure of my emotions. Should I feel happy that I saved a woman’s life OR should I feel sad for creating more trouble for her?
Research was a part of this story. The complicated and most dangerous part was the confrontation, the realization and the acceptance. At first, Dronesh refused to accept his identity as Ranjeev. But when we asked him to show his passport or Pan Card or bank statement, he agreed. She apologized to Pooja and asked her to marry him. He further said that he divorced his wife in 2013.
Pooja was hurt. She felt cheated. She didn’t want to have any communication with him. As we say in the language of social networks, she blocked her number. It was not an easy web to break. She started stalking her. He threatened to leak her photos and intimate videos of her on the Internet. Finally, we take the help of the police. At the time of writing this story, she has been in jail for the last SIX months.
From this case, a few things are very clear:
1) Although there are no right or wrong ways to date someone and while dating someone you do not carry proof of identity or address. However, I believe that you can find out the real identity of an individual after 2-3 meetings.
2) On the one hand, where social networks have provided a platform to increase your visibility and create your personal brand; It has also given out new skins to scammers and criminals to hide their identity.
3) We live in the age of selfies; where we like to capture everything around us, capturing each of our special moments, however, please use your personal judgment to decide the line of control. It is not necessary to capture everything.
4) It doesn’t matter what your age is; relationship development takes time. When you find someone rushing into things, that is an indication to be alert and more cautious. Relationships are another name for patience.
5) Lastly, breakups, wounds, deceptions are integral parts of life. Don’t let this put a dent in your passion for life and love for yourself. It is not the end of a world. It’s a new start.
If you had been in Pooja’s shoes, how differently would you have handled this situation? Do you think she could have handled it in a better or different way?
(This story is based on a true incident. Names of people and places have been changed to protect identity.)