Book Review: Playing Soldier by F. Scott Service
“Playing Soldier” is a raw and masterfully written memoir by F. Scott Service. The book is dedicated to the personal experience of the war. The author starts from the motivation that can lead someone to participate, takes us through a fragment of war and ends his story with the aftermath.
Our journey through Scott begins at the very beginning with his childhood. He grew up in a loving home, but not a perfect home. An only child, he finds refuge from everyday life in fiction and play. One day he finds his father’s old field jacket which opens up a new narrative for him, playing soldier. Dressed in his father’s jacket and armed with a BB gun, he shares the battlefield with the neighborhood children. The school fails to get Scott’s attention; he would prefer to continue exploring the many worlds of fiction. He dreamed of becoming a builder of literary worlds himself, but was repeatedly drawn to more practical career alternatives.
The next stage of his life slowly arrives and Scott marries his college sweetheart, Rita, with whom he raises his beloved cat, Spazzy. Hand in hand they gradually built their future together. But the shiny surface blinds Scott to a dark truth that lurks in a corner of his consciousness, for there is no substance to this projection of life together. The self was lost in us, or simply in her. So when offered the chance to join the National Guard, Scott, with the blessing of his wife, decides to follow his inner child’s call to adventure. The military still has almost magical control over him; he is enveloped in romance and emotion. In addition, the recruiter also flaunts the prospect of a good salary and better employment opportunities.
But what starts out as playing a soldier during his training soon turns into an unrecognizable reality of expulsion on the brink of existence, when Scott is left behind in the Iraq war. This is not the military service of his childhood games, nor the image that has flourished in his imagination ever since. It is something beyond reach and reason. War becomes a black sun that slowly burns his sense of reality and self. And when Rita decides to file for divorce, Scott’s former life becomes another war collateral.
Disillusioned by the war, Scott tries to break his ties with the military and rebuild a new life. But the shadow cast by the combat seems not to want to let go. The hoped-for social reintegration is severely hampered by an ugly divorce, an existential crisis, and post-traumatic stress disorder. The temptation of the final escape lights a light in Scott and he begins a new journey.
“Playing Soldier” is a deeply reflective view of one’s own life and life in general. F. Scott Service deftly draws readers in through a series of intimate confessions, hooking them on a sweet melancholy note that echoes through the book’s pages. The book’s effortlessly lofty literary language can hook anyone, regardless of their interest in the subject of war. After all, this is a memoir dedicated to the human condition at its starkest, walking the line between life and death.