Discipline – When is it okay to spank your child?

Many of us grew up in families where parents were not afraid to spank their children. Today, however, the political climate has changed and spanking has become politically incorrect. However, I can tell you as a mother and a clinical psychologist that there are times when a good spanking can work wonders.

But what does a “good spanking” mean? For a spanking to be effective, parents must follow certain rules. First, you need to keep in mind that disciplining your child should be done to change the child’s behavior, not to inflict pain. Therefore, when you spank your child, you should never hit him with your hand; to do so, reduce your reaction time and turn your hand into a weapon. Instead, use a harmless object, such as a plastic spoon, which you could label “Mr. Persuasion.”

While you don’t want to spank a child who is having a tantrum because that will only make the problem worse, a spanking may be perfectly appropriate when a young child persists in doing something dangerous after your attempts to reason with him have failed. Bargaining with a child and giving him time out have their place, but a child who runs out into the street after repeated warnings not to, or a five-year-old who continues to hit his younger sister after being told to to stop, they can only “get the message” after they’ve been whipped.

A properly performed spanking will make your child think about his behavior and give him ownership of his actions.

Of course, no two children are the same, and each child has a different temperament. Some kids will “get the message” and never need the added persuasion of a little “love touch,” as I affectionately call it with my own children.

If you choose to spank, use it sparingly and considerately; never treat it as an empty threat and never spank in public where the child may experience humiliation. If you warn your child that he will be spanked if he continues to break a rule and you have explained the consequences of breaking that rule, it is okay to say, “If he continues to hit his sister, he will be spanked.”

In my practice, I see many parents who have spoiled their children because they never spanked or disciplined them in any way. You can learn from your failures by not letting your children walk all over you from a young age.

Parents should expect that they will have to discipline their children for many years. Of course, disciplining your child is a difficult role to play, but it is necessary since children are programmed to misbehave. It is natural for them to test their limits as they become separate individuals. Smart and confident parents will remember that spanking can be an important tool in their disciplinary arsenal. They should also remember that the goal of discipline is to teach their children responsibility and that they always have a choice.