How to help children practice: from tears to triumph
Do you fight with your child, constantly trying to get him to practice? Do you feel like you’re pulling your teeth trying to get your child to master the karate moves they learn in the classes you’re paying money for? There are ways to respond that will help, others that won’t. One of the most common things parents do is threaten to stop school. “Apparently, this doesn’t matter enough to you to do it, so you’re going to quit.” “You are wasting my money. This will be the last time you go.” Many others still respond with threats, not watching TV all week, missing this event or that, or worse, using the practice as punishment. For example, for being disrespectful or not doing homework, Johnny has to practice an extra hour on piano this week. Criticism is a system that is wasteful: not only are you destroying the relationship between you and your child, but you end up wasting your money, your child’s potential, and the teacher’s time. In short, criticism is not your correct answer. So let’s turn this whole picture on its head and see if we can find a way to make practicing fun.
The first thing to know is that while your kids are young, it’s actually your responsibility, not theirs, to remember to practice every day. Yes, they are the ones doing the work, but you as an adult need to help them remember. The things that must be done every day are some of the hardest to remember, and when you’re only eight years old, it’s even harder. For us adults, taking our vitamins, exercising, are things that we tend to do most of the time. So how can we blame Junior for only practicing two days a week? He needs your help.
To get started, you need to agree on a set time of day for your child to practice. Every day, at the same time. Period. Pick a time of day when your child isn’t too tired and can still focus. Maybe if he/she is too tired right after school, then before or after dinner. Whichever time you choose, make sure you stick with it. You will find that it will be much easier to remember when it is the same time every day. Now make a checklist for him. List the days of the week at the top and the boxes below for him to check. When they are eleven or younger, you need to keep up with your children’s homework. It is very important that you are at their piano lesson, soccer practice, or other activity, etc. It is best to make sure you are available to attend these activities and not leave them all the time. At the very least, spend the time in the car after you pick her up so she tells you everything she learned and what her homework is. That same day, put the homework on the table that you have saved on your computer, so it will be ready for them all week.
The key to making practice a positive and enjoyable learning experience is to rely on rewards rather than punishments. Always be positive instead of negative. At the end of the week, if your child has a perfect list, with everything checked off, give him his reward. You can decide on an ice cream, invite friends or a trip to the park or zoo. As the kids get older, you may want to make the list monthly and only give the reward once your child has a month of perfect practices.
Please note that most of the suggestions above are for children ages 3-11. Once your child is 11 years old, it becomes their responsibility to practice every day. This should be pretty easy for them. You’ve been reminding them daily for quite some time now, so it should be more or less ingrained in their mind. I recommend that you still provide them with a monthly checklist and reward, but it’s not their responsibility to remember what the instructor told them to do that week, and you no longer have to come to class to help them take notes.
Another piece of the puzzle for happy daily practices is keeping something fun that involves your activity in the picture. If they’re on a swim team, you should let them swim for fun once in a while, so they’re never just having practices and meets. If they play the piano, take them to a fun summer activity or camp to play with other kids. If they only play the piano at home and in their classes, it will never be fun. Also remember to encourage your children and praise their accomplishments. Let them also listen to you tell your friends about your activities. Encourage grandparents, aunts, and uncles to attend your performances and track meets. Keep these tips in mind, and your goal of getting kids to practice diligently will take them from tears to triumph.