I used to be homeless too

When you take a look at the streets and you see the homeless, it doesn’t really affect most people. People look at them sometimes with disgust. Not knowing what left them homeless. I know this because I became one of those people. No, not the people who walk past the homeless. I was the bum.

A reality so harsh that he had to understand. My children and I went from living in a five-bedroom house to living in a one-bedroom shelter. We went from having three bathrooms to sharing one bathroom with many people. We had privacy at home, but here we don’t. I asked myself over and over again how did this happen to us?

Being in an abusive relationship can affect a person. What if your abuser is more than an abuser? Abuse is correct enough. No to my ex it was not. He brought our lives to a level I didn’t even know existed. He became an informant without my knowledge. Now, after I found out, of course, it was too late. My family ended up being relocated.

There is no family to talk to. There are no friends to cry over. My children and I were in a place that meant nothing to us, but I tried to hold on. Standing out became more of a job. My ex wanted all this attention that I had no energy to give. I explained how hurt and devastated he was to learn that he would become best friends with him for his own selfish reason. The law wasn’t even after my ex. I also explained to him how he took the children and me away from my grandmother who was very sick. I knew she was my heartstrings, but she still did this to our family.

As the months went by, the fighting got worse than it was when we were home. She couldn’t look him in the eye. He knew this was going to be the end of us. I guess he knew it too because he started having an affair. His nerves I remember thinking. We’re down here for his own selfish reasons, and once again, he’s being selfish. I told him that there is no way I am going to continue accepting the crap he does to me. He left and moved in with the other woman.

The other woman took it upon herself to call me and constantly harassed me like he did. So now he had two idiots that not only made me nervous, but the kids as well. He told the woman that I was raped and that was the reason we were in a different state. Now, even though that was a lie and considering that she was also a woman, she still called my phone telling me that was what she got. She would call my children’s phone and she would tell them that I was stupid and that’s why five guys raped me. Notice that this did happen to me in my life, but that has nothing to do with anything.

How could I tell a woman I had only known for a few months something so personal about me? Why would she as a woman say the harsh things she said about my rape? What hurts even more is that this had nothing to do with our relocation. I got so mad at this man. Who was he? Why did he treat me of all people like this? So much anger became a part of me after that. I knew I had nothing more to give him of my heart, body, mind, and soul.

Things between them started to get ugly. He was begging me to take him back. Begging me to fight for him. Which he just couldn’t do. She got upset and kicked the door. When I called the police, they told me that since his name is on the lease, I had no right to lock him out. I tried to explain everything to them but they didn’t listen. They never gave me any advice. It was like I was the one doing the wrong thing.

Due to the fact that he constantly kicked in the door, broke a window or fought with me, we were kicked out of our apartment. I could not believe it. Where were my children and I going? I was so afraid of being alone and now homeless in another state. Fortunately, someone I worked with saw my stress and gave me a hand. This lady allowed my children and I to stay with her. She was so happy and things were going great until I found out my grandmother passed away.

I called the government to see if they could help me and my children with return tickets home for my grandmother’s funeral. I did not receive an answer. I had $1000 under my name and with myself and 4 kids, tickets were $980. I didn’t care for round-trip tickets at the time. All I cared about was her funeral. I had a feeling that she was going to die while I was in this so-called witness protection program and she did. I felt that everything inside me was now empty. She was the one who raised me. She was my backbone and now she was gone.

My children and I did it the morning of his funeral. Looking at my grandmother in her coffin, I kept apologizing for not being there. I also knew that unlike my mother, my grandmother did not want me with him. So he was proud to tell her that she was no longer with him. I just hope she’ll forgive me for leaving her while she was sick. I just hope he knew how much he truly loved her. I was overwhelmed and I still continue in that situation today. He knew he should have been there with her holding her hand, but he wasn’t. I could never forgive myself for that.

I had no money to return to where we were relocated. My family, especially my mother, bagged me to stay. I never told them the truth about being in the witness protection program. I told them I had a job traveling. I had also told them that I was not with my ex before I went into witness protection. I didn’t want them to worry about the children and me. I called the government and told them I couldn’t go back. So the kids and I stayed.

For once I thought that my family was for me as I have always been for them. My ex called my mom to see if the kids and I were with her. Without my knowledge, she told him yes and three days later she took a flight to where we were. She couldn’t believe my mother. While she was visiting my friend, my ex told my mom that I lied about the travel job and that we were in witness protection. Instead of getting mad at him, she got mad at me for telling her a lie. When I returned to my mother’s house, the locks had been changed.

I called her to ask what was going on and all she could say is that I lied to her. I couldn’t believe this woman. While she was in the other state, each month she would send my mother $800 to help with her food and bills so she could take care of my grandmother. She is now taking the children and me out. That’s why she and I were never close. She always listened to the next person instead of listening to her daughter. She was so hurt and angry at the same time. I felt about to explode. That’s when we became homeless.

I had to take my children to the police station so we could go to a shelter. How did it get like this? Once we got to the shelter, I called the government and explained that the children and I were now in a shelter. They told me that I would get help from them. They told me someone would call me back to discuss housing. As I waited for a call from them, months went by and I watched my children go through the pain they were put through. I change them.

While I was in the shelter I thought I didn’t belong there. How could she go from having something to having nothing? I was homeless. My mother had turned her back on me and my ex was now laughing. Thinking that he was funny that he had no one. Without thinking that his children were homeless. He just didn’t care. His angle was to get back at me for not fighting over him when he was with the other woman. I became his enemy after everything he put us through.

Five months passed before I received that call. My children and I couldn’t wait to get out of that shelter. We couldn’t wait to have a piece of mind and privacy. When we finally got a house, they told me that if I left my ex, I would lose her. They didn’t even have to tell me that because there was no way in the world I was going to get into our house. This was the new beginning for Kids and Mines and I knew I could be just fine without it. I’ve done well for five years without him.

So now when I see a homeless person, I think about how my children and I were homeless. I give a meal or a few dollars that I have in my pockets. I don’t just walk past them because I used to be homeless too.