Ode to the fathers in their day

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. But what does that mean in these modern times? I read headlines that President Obama is calling on men to be better fathers than his own. However, I also heard on a TV talk show this week that there is a call to abolish Father’s Day in the UK, because ‘it’s just a way for card companies to make money’. I also think of the Chris Rock skit on the role of parents; how all they get is ‘the big piece of chicken’.

However, as the daughter of a father equal to President Obama’s and a mother of six children by three parents, my spirit cries out for the important role of parents. I will never fully recover from my father’s abandonment at the age of two. I have searched in vain for a replacement in my stepfather, grandfather, teachers and more failed relationships than I can count.

My first husband, with whom I had four children, was only marginally better than my own father. When we got married, I was already a single mother; having full emotional responsibility for our children. Since the divorce, I have also taken on my own financial and physical responsibilities. I think my greatest regret is having sentenced my children by my bad choice of partner to repeat the cycle of my own search to replace the love of a father.

My youngest son’s father is an improvement… overall. I can vehemently disagree with his choices at times, but I never doubt his commitment to our son. So much so that I made the difficult decision when I moved to the UK not to engage in a long and nasty sole custody battle, which would have been the only way I could bring my son to live with me. Instead we continue to share custody, for its good and bad things, it is the best for our son.

Now, in my husband, I have found an excellent father and a wonderful companion. I remember the night he came home from work, but then found out we needed something from the store. As she put her coat back on to walk to the corner store, our beautiful two year old with her dark brown curls and big brown eyes wrapped her little arms around her leg. She sat on top of her foot and repeated over and over, ‘Good daddy, wuv daddy.’

But the strongest testament to his love was the night my rude husband allowed his little daughter to dress him in an assortment of her bracelets and necklaces. . For you to appreciate that story, you need to know that my husband looks a lot like Green Mile star Michael Clarke Duncan. He could easily be a bouncer at any nightclub and he possesses a look that would stop any mischief. To top it off, there was the twinkling Disney princess crown we’d bought at Disney World atop his shaved head. He would kill for a photo of it, but of course he would never allow physical evidence like that. However, it is an image that I carry close to my heart every day.

So have fathers and Father’s Day become obsolete? Scientific research and all major religions attest to the fact that parents play a crucial role in the emotional development of their children. Studies show that ‘fatherless’ children are more likely to drop out of school, have behavioral problems and end up in a life of crime. The Bible teaches us… Honor your Father and your Mother. Can there be any doubt about the importance of the father on this day and every day?

If, like my youngest son and daughter, you are blessed with a wonderful father, then make sure he knows how you feel about him…with more than just a big piece of chicken. And not necessarily an expensive card… a homemade one made with love or a heartfelt letter will do just fine. If like President Obama, my children and I, you have an absent or deeply flawed father, then honor the role of the father, if not the man who filled it in your life. Because believe me after more than forty years of trying, I promise you that nothing can replace a father’s love for his child.