Some reflections on Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a time when we can reflect on the male role models in our lives and appreciate the lessons learned from their contributions. Gifts and cards are often given in recognition of the importance of that parental role.

But these days many households are single-parent families and the father can only be seen occasionally. Stepparents, grandparents, uncles, neighbors, and teachers can provide valuable guidance and teach a lot about these predominantly male traits and characteristics. And sometimes other men are more supportive and trustworthy than our real father.

If a boy’s father, his first significant male role model, falls short, it can be difficult for a boy to process, sometimes internalizing it as rejection, not being good enough, being unwanted. They may become defensive or disconnect emotionally, as a means of protecting themselves from further hurt and disappointment.

Or, alternatively, you may feel compelled to continually live to do better, constantly working harder and harder, or even reacting against the situation, becoming rebellious and defiant, giving the appearance that you don’t care but constantly demand attention.

– As a single mother It is important to try to avoid sharing negative views and experiences of your ex, so that it colors the perspective your son has on his father. It may have been a difficult breakup, leaving you hurt, disappointed, betrayed, disappointed, but those emotions are specific to your relationship with your ex. Your common children deserve to have the best of both and to have each parent still in their lives in the most positive way possible.

It is far better to encourage children to keep in touch with their father, which results in a happier outcome for everyone in the long run. A single mother may feel aggrieved that she is in a position where she can bribe and buy children’s affection with generous gifts and treats, which they happily accept. Why shouldn’t they? But children are more insightful than we think. They generally know and appreciate the emotional and financial struggles their mother has, the effort it takes simply to put food on the table every day.

Keep your relationship with your father alive and even if a more ‘healthy’ male role model is in their lives, an understanding grandfather, uncle, mentor, accept that the father of a boy occupies a unique position to them.

– As a separated parent it is important not to aggravate a situation if it is already fragile or irritating. Children are the innocent in this and if they misbehave or play badly, accept that it may take time for them to adjust and readjust. Try to ensure a continuous link with your mother, respect the agreed decisions, keep civil communication channels open and do everything possible to avoid reacting to trouble spots.

Let’s reflect on the qualities that are important in a father:

– Physical strength it provides peace of mind to children, who value their father as a guardian, protector, someone healthy and in good physical shape. They feel safe when they know that he is strong enough to stand up for them and the family.

– Moral values to import. Children expect to see their father do the “right thing”, be principled and fair. Admiring and respecting their father for his integrity, honesty, and guidance teaches them to have rules and to respect the law and others.

– Men are becoming more and more comfortable expressing their feelings., showing how much they love and care for their wife and children. Today it is more acceptable to talk about issues and problems, discuss how to cope and manage stress. Being able to hug, show love and affection is important. The days of the strong and silent man are fading. Boys need to see and learn from their important male role model how to successfully discuss, engage, and solve problems.

– Family values they are learned when they see their father enjoying spending time with them, treating it as a priority, important to him. Children are sensitive to nonverbal cues, perceiving disinterest, rejection, and mixed messages in a variety of ways. They also notice how he treats his mother and other family members, separated or not. Family values ​​are learned by witnessing relationships at home.

– Respect for others is another important lesson. How the father treats other road users, restaurant and shop personnel, how he addresses the people he knows. Is he deferential, submissive, arrogant, assertive, or agreeable? Good manners, consideration, and appropriate communication styles are important in building positive and successful relationships with others.

– Does the father have a good work ethic? Being conscientious, fair, and diligent, enjoying your job options, doing a good job, and finding satisfaction in your efforts demonstrate a sense of responsibility. Do you respect and care about money, treat property well, express gratitude and appreciation for what you have while having fun and delight? Hopefully all the traits that a child will witness and learn from their parent.

But Father’s Day can be a time to reflect on things that we would have done differently as well. Many people have memories of less than satisfying experiences with their father, perhaps witnessing his relationship to work, money, success, areas where they feel he needed to have a better focus. They will try to avoid repeating the mistakes they made with them. After all, we all want to be the best we can be when we become parents to our own children.