Tips and advice for parents for today

On many occasions, with the arrival of adolescence, mothers and many fathers tend to relax control over their children because they consider that it is no longer as necessary as when they were younger. However, like affection, setting limits remains very important during adolescence, and when these are missing, children are likely to feel disoriented and think that their parents no longer care about them. On the other hand, the absence of control, rules and limits is closely related to the appearance of some behavioral problems such as antisocial and criminal behavior or drug and alcohol abuse. Here are some suggestions on rules and limits.

1. The limits must be clear, reasoned and justified

It is very important that we do not authoritatively impose the limits and rules that regulate family life and the behavior of our children, both at home and abroad. You must talk to them, find out their point of view, explain the reasons for a certain rule, and change it when we are convinced that it is unfair. Involving children in decision-making about boundaries does not mean giving up parental rights, but it will be a way of acknowledging that they are growing and maturing, and that they have the right to participate in the decisions that affect them.

2. We must be flexible

You have to adjust the rules and limits to the needs and abilities of your children as they grow. The limits required for a 10-year-old boy and a girl should not be the same as for a 13-year-old, and even less so if you have a 15-year-old son or daughter. The excess of control is as bad as its absence, so little by little we must give them more freedom to act and make decisions.

3. We must be coherent and consistent in terms of limits

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed or tired and we allow in our children some behavior that, at another time, we do not tolerate. But it is important that we maintain standards and limits, and sanctions against non-compliance, regardless of our mood. It is also important that there is an agreement between the parents when setting limits and punishments. Although sometimes we may not agree with our partner, we should resolve our differences in private and show the same opinion to our children.

4. If the rules are not followed, punish

First of all, it is advisable to remain calm and not react emotionally. Then we must calmly listen to the justification given by our children. Finally, there will be times when it will be convenient to punish their behavior. It is important for children to understand that it is their behavior that is being rejected and not them. However, there may be alternatives to punishment, and showing them how disappointed we are in their behavior or lack of trust in them. Another possibility is not to punish them and make them experience the consequences of their mistakes.